Sluggish

It's the holidays... yet there's work to be done. No wonder everyone feels sluggish. Oh well... next year will be tedious. Much more tedious. Stressful and stress giving teachers... How do we survive?

Negativity

The previous post was very negative. Rhyth's blog is now for all the others as well. I have one for my own. The retreat has done her well. Emerging as an almost new one. For those of you who read this, you may have noticed that I speak in riddles. I am just like that... There's no other reason why.

Positive things happened throughout the week. The retreat. Time spent during the retreat. Time spent after the retreat. But as we returned, things had turned out for the worse. Financial crisis. Where to get the money for this, money for that. No spirituality whatsoever. How can we bring it to them?

Destitute

A few days ago, it was her birthday. Many things happened... Too many. I feel so torn. The way her tears spilled out onto her pillow, heart-wrenching. Finally, her birthday was to be on the next day, yet once again memories of her lonely past flood back as she sits in her room ALONE. The messages come yet on the eve of her birthday, she cried. Never, once, did she celebrate her birthday when she was younger, nor did others remember it, not even how old she was. She found friends, hoping that she could see them again on that day, or close to it. None. No view of them for the few days front and back. None.
"It's ok, Fi, I'm alright. Not that I've never been through this once before..."
Sweet words of comfort would have gone to naught. I couldn't bear to see her like that. Slowly I embraced her and she accepted it. Then we were interrupted by her sister. *Poof* I disappeared along with her tears which dried. Silent she stayed. On her game console she went, playing... What went on later I'm not so sure about. At 11.58pm on the 14th, she got her 1st birthday wish, though it was not yet her birthday. 12.00pm, I whispered it to her. 12.04pm, another message. She read it, happy, not really caring anymore about the previous day.
"Its my birthday after all."

Hmmm...

If I'm a guy, that means...... something is wrong.

But there's nothing wrong.

Or is there?

I have no idea.

I'm talking with myself.

What for?

Beats me.

As Fi, I can either

get overprotective or

get really weird.

i wonder which is more preferred?

i wonder if many or...

ANY

know me at all?

I think the post is looking weird.

but that's me.

No one really reads this anyway right?

Heap loads of...

O.O

Wait...

Bye.

Embrace your dreams

Silence while I close my eyes. Embracing darkness with my beastly wings. Wings give freedom, not show that one is a monster. Are my wings of freedom? Flying, unattainable dreams are the best kind. What are mine? Core of the Crisis.

None

I am but one of many.
I am none in all.
I am hidden in the light.
I am not a dark one.
I am here yet away.
I am neither here nor there.
I am nothing in other's eyes.
I am but a myth to them.
I am one in eight.
I am one most unwanted.
I am one most precious.
I am many, but none.




Who shall know then who I am?

Atheism

Ok... 1 thing to say. I prefer atheists more than nihilists, but above all is Christianity. It saves. No, God saves. Poor people who do not know him... Try to.

Vacate

Camp. Vacation. The difference? Not much. If we're together then its always the same. Whether in camp, it seems like there's no different from a vacation. Its so nice... Why, if there were vacation all year round, it would really be a blessing. Praises be to Him who has given us all this.

Assumpted

No proof = assumptions. Let's not care about such stuff anymore shall we? I may not be a very good Comforter, much less than who is the greatest comforter of us all.

A class is : a group of students meeting regularly to study a subject under the guidance of a teacher.

Q. So is making friends in class important?

A. Not exactly. What's important is, as Chuan Yan said, to have a few close friends insteaad of many "so-called" friends. If class bores you, then leave early.

Nerves

She's getting on my nerves... not Chel, the jumping one. Jumping to conclusions... maybe she is not directing at Chel but... I can't be sure of that.

Chel might have nerve problems on her right hand, that is not desirable but she will be able to live with that... all it is may now be only sudden "shocks" in her hand but they might lead to worse things.

Formlessness

If people are wondering why Chel linked my blog to that question on her blog, then try reading my blog thoroughly or my tagboard. If you are so lazy to do so, the reason is this: I am formless. So, if you would take the time to read this, you would realize that I am not a real human being. Then who is typing all this? Try guess. I am still existent.

Heatrash

I hate this, the temperature's rising and I'm breaking out in heatrash...! Just the thing i needed the last. Its so...... irritating and infuriating. Just by reading my profile you would see that I hate heatrash, the only thing I hate. Which is why I want to do something about the weather though I can't. If this were Equinoxial Endlessness... I would be able to do much more than I am now.

Concert

Concerts pull, squeeze all out of the people doing it. Time, rest, food, fun. No time for rest, no time for nutrition, no time to bother about health, I hate this school so much, its sapping our health away. Why not give us a break to regain our mental health at least? Even weekends are used up for performances, for many weeks already. Its killing us, its killing her... Replenish our strength, Lord. Help us gain strength to press through each day.

Tiredness

These few days have been very tiring... loss of sleep is a big factor, lack of food and finances, another... She has to forgo lunch just for the stupid practices her school holds, I find it unfair. How can schools be so cruel and selfish, only for the sake of making their anniversary a success, they make her rush all over, losing time to even take care of herself.

3rd year.

Chel...... I seriously have no idea what to say... This day... was the start of all that we've been through 3 years ago... The start of our problems but also the start of our happiness... Being together alone is not all that I need. Being able to just see your smile, the joy you bring fills my heart -- with Love. That which has gone is still forever living within our memories, never to be forgotten. Our memories.



Though the darkest nights have past,
Our feelings will still last.
Feelings of Love for each other,
More than such comes from a mother.
Being with thee I feel blest,
All we've been through is for the best.
Understanding more about each other.
Our third year leads to another.
Happy Anniversary to you, my Love.
He still watches from above.

Vengeance?

Feel not the hate, deal not the bait.
Temptations to kill, ended history to seal.
None of sorrow, none of grief.
None of vengeance, full of lift.
Forgiveness, seventy square.
Revenge is useless, there's nothing to spare.

Leap year

The leap year, a special day of every four years. the 29th day of this short second month... This year... Its so undesirable... Love crying in my arms... heartbreak for me, psychological damage for the both of us. We know this, what is happening in each other's lives, each other's minds. Which is why both are equally as hurt, both equally as painful... But it goes on still. We still press on.

Valentines.

Flooded... with many things... but.. Just wanna say this...

Happy Valentines Day, Chel.

Though I didn't have much time with you alone... I love you.

More time is on my schedule to spend time with you. Equinoxial Eclipse is there.

Anxiety

How... Why... When... Where... What... Who...?



I feel anger. I feel absent. I feel annoyed. I feel agrieved. I feel able. I feel afraid. I feel anxiety.



Anger towards a certain person,
Absent in mind.
Annoyed by little things in life,
Agrieved as time passes by.
Able to do things I couldn't before,
Afraid I can't continue doing them.
Anxiety adds all together.


How am I so different from the rest?

Fatigue.

I'm getting tired.. this.. not being able to sleep well.. not resting well, waking up too early.. yet being called awake by a beautiful voice.. sleeping for 10 minutes a day? Definitely that's not enough. The foreign language that looks like japanese.. its too much to handle altogether. Working... I'll try my best.